Oh, Wise Ones of LJ, please share your thoughts

[clarentine]

If you had an elderly person, say, whose primary method of getting what she wants is to bully people, and one of the things she wants is to give a lot of the money that's keeping her and her spouse in a comfortable assisted living facility to a ne'er-do-well child, and the people she's bullying include her spouse and the child who's acting with Power of Attorney to arrange her affairs and pay their bills, how might you go about reducing the bully's access to the money?

(Yeah, this is real world, not fiction. I only wish it was fiction.)

This elderly person has had many strokes, some significant enough to seriously impact her ability to make sound judgments and decisions. Her spouse is also elderly and himself suffering from impaired memory and, as a result, judgment, and he does not know how to say no to her. The child with the POA is on the edge of breakdown dealing with the mess.

I'm not looking for sympathy (I am not, for instance and thank dog, the child with the POA), but rather some concrete suggestions or ideas you've seen be helpful in situations like this.

Comments

[gryphynshadow.livejournal.com]

With a POA, one could have the elderly person declared incompetent, and then simply take all control over finances away from them. Which would be hard, and not very nice, and not very empathetic.

Another thing I've seen done was to take most of the money away from their control, but leave them with an allowance, in hard cash. They can do as they please with the cash, but the rest of the finances are out of touch. If senility is an issue, as well as memory both long and short term, then simply telling the elderly person each time they ask that one would look into the issue, and see what could be done should work to put off 'till the next visit any discussion of money. Rinse, repeat, lather.

Well wishes and thoughts of luck directed towards the whole issue...

[clarentine]

Thanks for the wishes! I have a feeling we are going to need them.

We're definitely considering the incompetence angle.

[stillnotbored.livejournal.com]

You need more than POA, you need guardianship. Otherwise, as I learned to my sorrow, the black sheep child can talk them out of ALL the money or rob them blind, and you can't do a thing about it.

Talk to a lawyer. Get the child with POA appointed guardian.

[clarentine]

Good - that's the sort of experience I'm looking for. Thanks for the suggestion.

[brni.livejournal.com]

I'll second this.

Also, remember that anything that the person with POA does to try to secure the funds prior to obtaining this can potentially constitute theft - i.e. if the person with POA removes the cash from an account and puts it into an account that the elderly person cannot access, there can be serious legal repercussions.

Also keep in mind that if the elderly person gives the money away such that she and/or her spouse ends up requiring public funds, the state may require that the person with POA make the person who received the money return it or refund it to the state out of their own pocket. However, there's nothing that requires the person who received the money to return it.

Get a lawyer that specializes in elder law involved sooner rather than later.

There are ways for money to be placed in trust so that it cannot be used for things other than health care or prepaid funeral expenses and such. But it has to be done right or you can run into trouble down the road.

Best of luck.

[clarentine]

Thank you. I suspect we're going to need it.

Check with a lawyer and then consider. . . .

[docdad2.livejournal.com]

The POA holder can close checking and savings accounts without the primary person's permission. This forces the POA into the position of reviewing ALL incoming mail to pay bills and settle financial events.
A Lawyer who deals with End of Life Arrangements will be of inestimable help.

Re: Check with a lawyer and then consider. . . .

[clarentine]

Thank you! Most of the siblings will be in town over the long weekend and I hope to force everyone to sit down for some brainstorming and decision-making. None of this is fun, but it does have to be taken care of.