Oh, Wise Ones of LJ, please share your thoughts

[clarentine]

If you had an elderly person, say, whose primary method of getting what she wants is to bully people, and one of the things she wants is to give a lot of the money that's keeping her and her spouse in a comfortable assisted living facility to a ne'er-do-well child, and the people she's bullying include her spouse and the child who's acting with Power of Attorney to arrange her affairs and pay their bills, how might you go about reducing the bully's access to the money?

(Yeah, this is real world, not fiction. I only wish it was fiction.)

This elderly person has had many strokes, some significant enough to seriously impact her ability to make sound judgments and decisions. Her spouse is also elderly and himself suffering from impaired memory and, as a result, judgment, and he does not know how to say no to her. The child with the POA is on the edge of breakdown dealing with the mess.

I'm not looking for sympathy (I am not, for instance and thank dog, the child with the POA), but rather some concrete suggestions or ideas you've seen be helpful in situations like this.

Comments

[gryphynshadow.livejournal.com]

With a POA, one could have the elderly person declared incompetent, and then simply take all control over finances away from them. Which would be hard, and not very nice, and not very empathetic.

Another thing I've seen done was to take most of the money away from their control, but leave them with an allowance, in hard cash. They can do as they please with the cash, but the rest of the finances are out of touch. If senility is an issue, as well as memory both long and short term, then simply telling the elderly person each time they ask that one would look into the issue, and see what could be done should work to put off 'till the next visit any discussion of money. Rinse, repeat, lather.

Well wishes and thoughts of luck directed towards the whole issue...

[clarentine]

Thanks for the wishes! I have a feeling we are going to need them.

We're definitely considering the incompetence angle.